One nights dream

Dreams are crazy. I know i have had my fair few and some are i think significant but i cannot remember them the next day (not like i remember them all the time anyway) but at the time I do. Or some dreams are just that... dreams. Maybe they are signs; maybe they are guidance for choosing the right path; maybe they are of your nightmares or your greatest fears coming to haunt you.

Last night I had a dream and I do not understand why I had this dream and i do not know why i remember it but I do. My dream last night meant something special to me. I was so happy, so excited and full of life. I dont know why but all I remember was the excitment of recieving my garments. When you take out your endowments you are given garments to wear. The feelings I got for wearing them, i couldnt wait to put them on. I rushed to put them on and I thought and laughed to myself thinking, i dont understand why people find them uncomfortable at all. Recieving these meant to me that i will be taking out my next step in the temple hopefully soon. The day I go to the temple to take out my endowments will be one of the most amazing days of my life I believe.

Sifting through my desires

So the other day i was having a really weird conversation with someone. He brought up attraction. He was like "you are attracted to him... i think you like him". haha im like "nooooo you have it all wrong! that boy is a really good boy". And hes like "I'm not believing those words because i can see it all in your actions".That really made me laugh and made me think how do i act around these boys? then like 2mins later he goes on to say "but i do however know that there is 1person you have an attraction to and it goes both ways" and then from that moment i knew who he was talking about. I said his name and hes like of course it is. I couldnt deny that one because there was no point in denying it when my aim is to try and become more honest and kind (a task from my stake president). But anyway i just said well im trying to get over it anyway because its not right. And I realise I am getting over it. He said its not a physical attraction as of such its a more so personality attraction. And he is of course dead right. He said its just a phase we are going through and the feelings wont last forever.. all i said i was i sure hope so. I realised that I deserve to see myself in a better light and that I should be treated better and that I deserve better. Not as in better than him but as in I deserve someone better with the same standards that I have. I deserve someone who has the same standards as me and not higher standards or lowers standards. Having feelings for a person that you cannot have is seriously not the way to go. I get over it quite quickly but it all comes crashing back down if he says something pertaining to US or if he brings up WHAT IFS. I'm like noooo I was doing so good and then I get so afraid of the way I start to feel because I know that it is not right and that I shouldn't be feeling this way about him. He is a weakness that I am overcoming. It is so easy when he is not around. Life is pretty sweet. At times I think of him and miss him but then a lot of the time I can get on with my life without him in it. Sure I wonder what he's doing and how he is but I know that life is so much easier and better without us as anything more. I can't wait to be the person that I dream to become with Christ like attributes and even though he is a good guy, I don't think that he can help me become the person that I am truly designed to be and act. Even though i know all that its hard to distinguish between wht your mind is saying and what your heart is truly saying. and then also taking in the consideration of what the holy spirit is testifying to you. i think with me my mind is like i want you and i think we could really make this work but my heart says just let him go. And then the other side of things is that my mind is saying no i have no more feelings, we are fine, we are JUST friends, we are nothing more... but then my heart is saying you only wishes it was you. Thats the hardest thing not knowing which way to go. but that is when we need to let everything out to the Lord, and put all our desires into Him and He will guide you the right way even though you think its wrong and not the right path, Heavenly Father knows that its the right path for you. He knoweth all things remember. And He knows you better than you know yourself. He designed you. He created you. He is our Father. Now I am becoming stronger. It is becoming easier and easier. The day that I look at him and see him as only a friend and nothing more is the day that I cannot wait for. And the day that the unwanted feelings do not come back but heres hoping that its soon. He doesn't believe that we will ever lose our feelings ever. And maybe we will, but maybe we won't. I believe he will always have a small piece of me but that's it. I know that my husband will marry me in the temple. I know that I will love someone so unconditional one day that I will be glad that nothing happened between us. Every time I think of us, I think of this quote...

"Dear sisters, never lose sight of this sacred goal (of a temple marriage). Prayerfully prepare for it and live for it. Be married the Lords way. Temple marriage is a gospel ordinance of exaltation. Our Father in Heaven wants each of His daughters to have this eternal blessing.

Therefore, don't trifle away your happiness by involvement with someone who cannot take you worthily to the temple. Make a decision now that this is the place where you will marry. To leave that decision until a romantic involvement develops is to take a risk the importance of which you cannot now fully calculate"

-President Ezra Taft Benson

I absolutely adore that quote by President Benson and I hope to live by that. I love the temple so much. Of course it is the place I want to be married. Sometimes I just need that quick little reminder of what President Ezra Taft Benson has to say.

Losing a loved one

So as I am sitting here thinking through what I really would like to write tonight, I can't think of anything else but about what I am going to write about. I have this strong impression to write about a special little girl who meant the world to her family and I bet changed many other families lives for sure.

It is the most hardest thing losing the ones you love the most. It is the most trying period of your life. To say goodbye to them, to not be able to speak to them. But as long as we know that this life is only a temporary period so not being able to speak to them, laugh with them, play with them, confide in them... It's only for now but it's not going to be for forever. 

I may never have had the privilege to meet this beautiful girl but I know for one thing is that her amazing spirit is back home resting in celestial glory with our Father in Heaven in gloriousness and in peace perfection. The most precious spirits of all are the ones that return home back to Heavenly Father at the early stages of life. Even though it has left her family indefinitely heart broken as that was their baby girl, Heavenly Father has a plan for both her and them.

As long as we know that families can be together forever, we know that we will see our families again and very soon indeed. The eternities look great when you know the ones you love are waiting there to greet you when it's time. The atonement of Jesus Christ has made it possible for us to return back to Him when our time comes. To return to the ones we love. So for the beautiful Leu family, Inah and Brian, I am so sorry for your loss at this time. You are both such strong individuals and I hope you will be okay soon. 

Conversion to the Gospel

Serena-Lee Chrystal, Elder Sesseions, Elder Belnap,
Elder Beckstead, Elder Tham, Katya,
and ME!

So for those that do not know a heck of a lot about me, I thought I would introduce you to a side that you my or may not know. I go to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. If you have not heard of this church, maybe you might recognise the "Mormon Church?" I was baptised Saturday October 30th 2010 in a small town along the East Coast in Gisborne New Zealand and let me tell YOU, it was the best, non-regretting decision I have ever made. And I could never in my entire life take back those words I have just said. Now some of you may think its because I am brain washed but no I am not. This is a little of why. When I moved from New Zealand to Australia June 15th 2011, it was the most scariest decision i had made at the age of 18. Coming to live with my mum as we did not have a good relationship due to my own actions. She would try put the effort in but I would just snob her off. I was a very angry and hurt child. Anyway, I started going to church with my Aunty and uncle and my cousins. I didn't know they even went to church earlier on in life but they did and they were even sealed together as husband and wife in the temple but they had just fallen way from the church due to worldly causes. We are human remember - we are not perfect. 

I am so very thankful that my Aunty and Uncle had made the decision to finally go back to church. If it wasn't for their willingness and desire and also their example to change; I wouldn't be where I am today, living the life I lead today nor be the person that I am today. When I saw my Uncle in a suit I almost cried. He just seemed like a total different person. He was making changes and I knew from then on if my Uncle can change... anything is possible. Now I only went with them to have a look at church because I was with that family 24/7. What was I going to do if they were at church and I've got nothing to do? Maybe you could even say we were selfish for that being the reason why. We were going to be bored without them so my sister and I went and had a look. And we were so nervous!!!!!!!! I loved religion and I believed there was a God and Jesus Christ but apart from that I knew nothing. And so I was intrigued when I started learning from the missionaries. Yes those are the young boys that ride on bicycles in a white shirt, suit pants and a tie with a black badge on their shirt. I had two lessons with the missionaries, Elder Tham and Elder Christensen. I enjoyed it but I was going to Vanuatu for 12days and thought well have a good life I doubt I will be seeing you when I get home. It was fun whilst it lasted. I did not think I would be able to keep going with it or my family would. That's how much faith I had.. that's embarrassing to be honest. Anyway, when I was in Vanuatu, my sister facebooked me to say she was getting baptised Oct 9th 2010. I was like "oh I'm happy for you" but I was thinking are you crazy you've only been listening to them for 2weeks and you're getting baptised?! I guess when you know it's the right thing to do for you then you do it! The spirit definately testified of the truthfulness of the gospel to her most definately. The funny thing was was that when I got home from Vanuatu 3days later my sister was baptised with my 2 cousins and it was one of the best days of their lives for them. They were extremely happy. Their happiness radiated off of their faces with such a glowing beam.

That wasn't the funny bit though... The funny bit was when Elder Tham came to me and said "I'm sorry Natalia, unfortunately you cannot be baptised today because you haven't been taught all the lessons as of yet." I started cracking up laughing and thinking to myself are you crazy, now I'm most likely definately not joining the church. I didnt even want to be baptised. The weeks went on and I ended up being baptised into the church on Oct 30th. That was 3weeks from when my sister was baptised til when I was baptised. Obviously a lot of things happened to have changed my mind. But their was one moment in that 3weeks where I felt pressured to be baptised and I thought I felt I wasn't ready. I ended up saying to Elder Tham I do not want to be baptised and with me I cant say no. I was like "I dont want to be baptised now, maybe later." And they kept pushing for this same date and then for the next weekend. My cousins wife had then said "Stop... she doesnt want to be baptised now, stop pressuring her!"  With me you see, if I join something or even in this case, if I join a church I don't want to be joining another one because I want to make sure I do everything right the first time. I wanted to find the right church for me the first time. Heavenly Fathers church. The one TRUE church. I still had this impression that I still wanted to know more about this Church and its teachings. So I asked the other missionaries from the other Ward or in other words chapel, if I could sit in on a lesson with them as that same girl, my cousins wife, was still getting lessons but with the other two missionaries. I spoke to them about what was going through my mind and Elder Belnap said to me, "if you know that the teachings that we teach are true and that you believe in them, then go to church for those reasons, for the gospel. Don't not go because of how someone made you feel." And that was it. I knew my missionaries weren't happy because I went to see the other ones but if it wasn't for me going to see them then I wouldn't have been baptised. I realised that I started to love this gospel for what the gospel truly was. And I was baptised 11am Oct 30th by Elder Tham and confirmed into the church by Elder Belnap.
 

The gospel of Jesus Christ taught me a lot of things from then on. I went to Church and it was so hard but I endured through those trials. It was so hard when your dad didn't really accept the fact you joined the "Mormon" church as you should be keeping your options open and people thinking we were brainwashed when that wasn't the case. When I went to church I felt like I was at home. I felt at peace. I felt the world slip away for those 3hours each week. This was my time to learn more about myself and what my Heavenly Father has in store for me. This was my time to feel a part of a family. Everywhere you looked and turned there was a family. I now started to realise what a family truly was and what true happiness truly felt like. I will never turn my back from the gospel again. I done it once but never again.
 

That's how I know that I am not brainwashed or anything. I turned my back on the gospel for 4months of my life when I moved to Australia. I thought it'll be easy to stay in the gospel when I moved but I was wrong. Now I didn't exactly disobey the church teachings like go out and get wasted or smoke or what not because first of all that wasn't even me before I was baptised anyway. But the temptations and trials felt very hard to overcome as I had basically blocked Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ out of my life. I was back to an angry self again and even the people who didn't even agree with church were telling me I should go back because I'm not my normal self. I was thinking you can't tell me to go to church as you yourself don't even go. I was a miserable wreck and I started to realise it and the way I was acting was unacceptable. I started to realise and booked me a ticket back to NZ for my dads birthday. I was so nervous going to church, I felt like I didn't think I should be there because I hadn't been going for so long and I felt so guilty. It was testimony bearing and I cried when I heard my cousin get up and say her testimony. I realised I wanted to start going back to church when I got back to Australia. Nobody judged me and my bishop knew there was something wrong. We talked and that's when my love grew for my bishop and I truly felt and knew that they really are just full of gods love and are definately non judgemental. When I got back to Australia it was super hard but I pushed through all my embarrassment of going to church by myself and sitting by myself and listened to what was being spoken. To go to church by yourself was so hard as you felt all by yourself, all alone and with no one by your side. But I felt it was where I needed and wanted to be. I felt that I had my Heavenly Father with me anywhere I go anyway so I wasn't really alone. And what do you know you make friends, you become a part of families, you feel at home. Same things which happened in NZ. So the bottom line is that that confirmed the teachings that anywhere you go in the world, the teachings of the gospel and the feelings that you gain from the gospel is the same no matter where in the world you go. That was also confirmed when I recently went to America and I felt the exact same thing.

 

I am just so very thankful for the gospel in my life. It taught me how to forgive, as I forgave my mum after years of not letting her in. It taught me true and eternal happiness. I understand what real happiness feels like and it's not temporary. I know what it feels like to be apart of a family again and I met my actual best friend that I could count on for anything. Then I met her cousin and she became one of my best friends. I never really had true friends to count on until I met these girls. I learnt to take risks and chances and I learnt what I am really worth and who I really am designed to be. I am a spiritual daughter of my Heavenly Father and I am here today to become like Him. To gain those same attributes. I am a daughter of a King. I am a Princess which will soon be a queen. My husband will be a  King as he seals me to him in our castle, the only holy place on this earth which is the temple. We will be sealed for all of eternity with our children right by our sides in the eternities. Familes really are forever. We need to remember that and cherish the moments we have. I cannot turn back time and re write my mistakes but i wouldnt want to. I learnt from my mistakes and wont make it again. Life is no life at all without family, friends and the gospel.

The City of Lights

And that is what it was. A city of lights.

So the other night, i did not want to go out at all. I was far from it. I just got back home which is 35min drive from town and then hello my sister wants to go out that night. Just a sudden thought. Shes starting to become a little spontaneous like me and thats a scary thought. Anyway, i was like no, no, no but i felt inside of me the very thought of go, go, go! Was it a prompting... should i listen?

I reluctantly gave myself over to HER will and went. We took my brothers and baby sister out to see the city. And let me tell you, it ended up being one of the best nights out with the kids.

It was so crazy!!!!! We didnt know that there was going to be anything held in the city. But it was the Brisbane City of Lights festival and so there was so many people! We went on the city ferris wheel and was able to watch brisbane light up along the city waters at 9pm. Not many people had that privelidge but we were those lucky few. And then we saw a guy juggling knives on a free standing ladder!

So the main reason for this post was the fact that this night really showed me the importance of spending time as a family. I am so glad that my sister pushed it and we all went. We had so many laughs and i got to know a side to my brother Kauri that i never knew. I found out his interests abd what he likes to do. Carrying Jamie on my shoulders when he was tired and being there to show the kids that we are pretty cool sisters and not just the people who growl them and slap them. My brothers and sisters really are such good kids but at times I fail to see it. When you compare them to others they really are angels. And tonight i was reminded of that. They are Heavenly Fathers children and of course they play up but they have such innocent hearts. I am so blessed to have each one of them as my brother or sister.

I now understand why we should allocate time to spend as a family and to push aside the worldly things to spend only a few hours as a family. Your bond will get closer and stronger if you follow that counsel.

I know that when showed the kids the temple that night they absolutely loved it. I know that my family will be eternal. I believe that even though we are not sealed as one that Heavenly Father still has a plan for us and that there is always hope for in the later future. But i DO know without a shadow of a doubt that i dont have anything to worry. I WILL have my own eternal family in the near future. My husband and children WILL be sealed to me. I WILL have an eternal family. And that is the greatest thing and the ONLY thing my heart truly desires.

The start of a brand new start!

What a beautiful day it is. 

This is the start of my new blog of nattyslittlelife :) getting a little excited are we? Because I know that I am!!!! So just being cool like my best friends Olea click here and Te Hurutea click here I decided to make a new blog. I found my old blog and like totally crazy hey as the last time I wrote on it was 2011 but I was just so young and the things I wrote was just super crazy! For that blog click here. IT IS SOOOO EMBARRASSING!!! Time to start with a fresh new start I believe.

Okay well for now as you are most likely hellishly bored stop reading and depart. Depart I say.

 I WUV YOU MWAH!

Muahahahahah