Why oh why?

So not too sure whether i should feel bad about this because apparently i should but i dont hahaha! Coming from my sister anyway. Question is "should i feel bad about kissing a boy?" My answer is to be honest i thought it was fun and its not like im going and kissing all different boys. Just one in particular ya know. But the thing that they say is that yous are kissing but yous arent in a relationship. Kissing should be  for relationships and on the cheeks is allgood for friendships. He doesnt have gf and i dont have a bf so i dont see the problem. I sort of but dont really see it. All in my head is,  this is fun and im leaving soon! Why cant i kiss him haha. Maybe thats wrong to think but that is how i think. Its not like im expecting a bf now because that would be wrong because like i said im leaving for 18months. My sister was like "youre easy" because i let him kiss me. And im like what the heck im not really. Im 20 and i kissed a guy for the first time. I dont know whats getting into me because i thought this whole thing is pretty fun but i cant afford to become distracted. I then tried telling her that if i had been easy then i would have had Julian right now after all those times he wished he could have kissed me but i said no because he had a gf. Fiance even. But yeah i dont think im easy for kissing a guy. Haha we were just playing the part of "husband and wife" ;)

The holiday of Christmas

'Oh tis the season to celebrate joy and love. Christmas can be the most magical day on earth. It is I believe one of the only days that families truly DO get together and spend time with one another. There is never NOT an excuse to spend time with them because what can I say... THE ENTIRE WORLD shuts down for this one day so that we all can be as one and spend it AS one. 

Some people believe that Christmas is all about presents and Santa Claus and the North Pole. Some people believe that it is the day Jesus Christ was born to the Virgin Mary in the city of Bethlehem. Some people don't even celebrate Christmas. I believe that Christmas is such a magical day when we spend time together. Sure we can get presents and give presents to others but as long as we never forget the true meaning of the Christmas spirit, is all that matters. And WHY we have Christmas. We don't just make it a public holiday so it robs families of their money, but we are to celebrate Jesus Christ and remember him. Remember what he done for us and that yes he was born through the help and powers of god to an amazing lady who was known as the Virgin Mary.

Christ sacrificed a lot for us. And when I say "a lot" I mean he sacrificed his LIFE for each one of us. Now it wasn't he went to war to battle for our freedom physically. But he gave up everything for us spiritually so that we can enter the kingdoms of heaven and be with our father in heaven again. We need to ask ourselves why are we here today on this earth... We need to realise our purpose and sometimes life seems hard but we weren't sent here for an easy life. We fought in the war of heaven to come to earth. We earns the right to be here today. And through the love of Christ we can be forgiven for our many wrongdoings and sins and we may hopefully one day be worthy to be back home again. 

I loved Christmas this year and it was because I got to spend it with some amazing friends and family. But this will be my last Christmas in Australia til I come back home for my mission. Next year I will be spending Christmas in New Zealand and then 2015 maybe back in Australia or maybe net to the states! I'm not too sure.

Now that christmas is over, it is almost exactly 8weeks until I depart for the mission field in Hamilton New Zealand! So nervous. But grateful for the opportunity to serve my saviour. My lord and my king <3

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

That life changing moment

This post has definately taken a very long time to write up as I have been sooo incredibly busy within the last 3weeks. And by 3weeks I mean, this life changing moment happened on November 15th! Told you I have been slack. Now I didn't actually think I would seriously and honestly get to this point in my life where I am at now. I had the "desire and want" to go on a mission but I never thought I would actuay get there. But this day changed my life as my dream turned into a reality. It was a shocker. I screamed when I received the envelope in the mail as I was not expecting it whatsoever. My heart started racing and we started calling everybody up on the phone. Australians and New Zealanders... You name, we were excited. Now we had to decide when we were going to open the envelope whether it was gonna be that same night or the next day. Turns out couldnt wait haha. And so that night my future was told amongst my friends and family. Some I was wishing was there that night to celebrate but when you have friends and families in different countries it just can't be helped. So as I was opening the envelope, I could tell my voice was quavering and I felt I was going to cry. But nope I held it in as I didn't want my makeup to run abd ruin my beautiful face. Kidding guys. But yeah. When I read those words... "Dear sister mcflinn" it hit me because I am going to be soon referred to as that. Like I said, my dream was becoming a reality. I know that prayers are answered and that Heavenly Father listens. And that when we are obedient, we are given our hearts desires. I thought I would be sent somewhere with a language as that's what I had picked on the application but He knew where the best place for me was. And then my heart was saying once I had sent it away... What have you done, you might have just ruined your chances for nz and especially the Hamilton mission. But what do you know... I got called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints as Sister McFlinn in the NEW ZEALAND HAMILTON MISSION. My heart's desires were granted even though I didn't think I would be sent there because all my family is from there. He knows me so well and I am so blessed to be able to serve my friends and family from Feb 27th 2014. But even more priveledged to be serving my Heavenly Father. Without His love and guidance, I wouldn't have be one the person I am. And without Him, I know without a surety of a doubt, that I cannot become the person I am destined to be. The amazing people I am going to be coming across I cannot wait. As they will teach me the things that Heavenly Father needs me to learn. I cannot wait to be humbled with my experiences and see Gods children the way he sees them. To love His children the way He loves them. To be of service and expect nothing in return. We are nothing without LOVE. We are His creation and we are to do His will. Progression in life is the key to a successful and long lived life. If you are stagnant and still, there is no living. There is no progression. It's just the same old day in and day out. I am so blessed to be able to serve in the same mission as the temple that I first entered in dec 4th 2010 and be able to one day serve in the visitors centre as the sister missionaries that I saw there that time I thought, wow you're so pretty!

3years ago Oct 30 2010 MY BAPTISM DAY

The New Zealand Hamilton Temple. The most peaceful place on Earth. The place I call home..

Standing here as a recent convert. Soon I will be standing in front of the Jesus Christ Statue with my missionary badge on my shoulder ahh!

I WILL GO AND PREACH THY GOSPEL HEAVENLY FATHER :)

Self conscious?

My workout arena and the food I should and shouldn't be eating haha!!! GO ME ;)

Now I really wouldn't say that I am that self conscious but others would say I am. Actually maybe even CRAZY self conscious! Haha I don't think I am but others do. I think I might be a little worried about my weight but others think I'm obsessed and by others I'm talking about my family. I know that I shouldn't be self conscious but I am! MY WEIGHT SUCKS!!!!! I have gained 4kgs in like the last few months. 4 I TELL YOU... 4!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know why people think I'm pretty or beautiful but in my head I'm like uhhhhh what the heck... Uhhh I'm not. It's time to start getting fit I think. I'm actually really excited about it. I joined a 12week body transformation course with Michelle bridges to learn her workouts and nutrition guide. I went and bought vegetables last night as this is Day 2 in the program. During this program I have eaten ice cream and MnMs. Not a great start but hey at least it wasn't takeaways. That was last weeks news ;) the lowest I have been this year is I can say 71.8kgs. Don't ask me how I got there but I have no clue. Haha and starving isn't the way guys. But it's hard at the moment because I usually only eat breakfast and a snack at 3pm when I get home from work. I haven't been eating at the right times of the day and so now I feel sick when I try eat 3times a day. I feel so sick. But I know I have to try because in the end its better eating 3times a day than 1. I know I will get there. Weighing in at I think about 76kgs... So work needs to be done. Can't wait for the 12weeks to go as it ends in February; my friends WEDDING is in February (gotta look smokin' for that ;)) and I leave for my mission most likely in February. Massive month in February but yes I'm going to work this fat off this body people. Cannot wait for the end result. I have mission skirts which are JUST too small for me so if I can lose enough weight to fit into those mission clothes COMFORTABLY, then i will be a happy choppy indeed. I know that I should be happy with the way I am... And I am... It's just I know that there is room for improvement indeed :) 

SO LAST WEEK!!!!! - hard as to find workout clothes...

SO YESTERDAY!!!! - went and bought new clothes for the whole 12week makeover transformation. I can't wait for my body to be "loose" of all of this FAT! By the way there's no sucking in in these photos so yes that's exactly how much weight I have to lose haha

Ps love the iPad shots haha I have NO PHONE :( it broke on me last week. Can't believe I have survived 6days without a phone. Ermagawshhh!

AND TO THE FUTURE!!!!!

And uhhhh yes that'll be me but with the black hair ahhh!!!! Well anything close to be fitting into my mission clothes is all that I can ask for. And I will be over the moon :)

A chance with death perhaps?

Ahhhhhhh!!!! I guess you could have called this family home evening tonight as since the POOL was up and running and full... We decide to go for a swim even though it was pretty ugly looking outside and looking like it was going to rain. WE SPENT TIME AS A FAMILY AHHH YAY :D so this afternoon it was sooo funny. My mum was commentating as she had her phone recording this spontaneous jump out the window of our two storey house. Yes I JUST SAID THAT! I JUMPED out of our window ... and landed on the concrete and broke my leg. Haha kidding no. But I did jump out the window as evidence is shown but into a giant pool. Let me just say this took me ages to jump because it was freaky as standing up there. I kept hesitating and then thinking too much and then I pulled out. Katya, my sister, was like here I shall show you how it's done. She gets up there and shows us quite proudly how she isn't scared and jumps in. She gives more of a little more of a performance than intended. Which meant showing a little more than what she wanted hahahaha but that was sooo funny. I thoug to myself if she can do it so can I!!! So I did. And I felt I won. Because If I hadn't I would have been regretting it the entire night and I just done it and had the best afternoon ever. I know it was such a stupid thing to do but hey spontaneous things are so much fun and you enjoy life. WHO SAID MORMONS CAN'T HAVE FUN ;) I sure love my life that I don't want to risk it too much but now at least I can say I have jumped out of a 2storey house into a pool :) my mothers commentating remarks.. "Is future sister missionary... can she do it.... will she do it... Will she be spontaneous? " and yeww YES I CAN!

Hair Spontaneity

Olá meninas e meninos...

So right there I just said... "Hello girls and boys" yes, yes, yes... Basic Portuguese I know but I'm learning. Well I've stopped lately but need to get back into learning it. Hopefully I get somewhere where I can learn the beautiful language of the Portuguese :) so the other day as my brother and his girlfriend were up for the week for a holiday and for Chloe to meet the family. 

Let me tell you, she is such a beautiful girl. Loved getting to spend a little time with her. Anyway on Wednesday, Sharon and I took my brother Joshua and Chloe shopping at the large Chermside shopping complex about an hour away from where we live. Almost 2 near miss car crashes but we got there in the end. Stupid Queensland drivers I tell ya, they don't know how to merge properly into the next lane. Anyway, I'm glad I took Sharon as I would have felt definately like the third wheel. Natalia hanging behind watching her brother and Gf act all cute and shiz. Like legit "where's my boyfriend :"(!!!! Just kidding. I got no time for that. Anyway so we walked past a few stalls and we actually listened to a hand cream person and I wanted to get some but later on as it was 180dollars! Later on as in like mons later haha as it was so good. We stopped at the hair stall and this lady was sooo good at talking it all up and well in the end I spent almost 900dollars buying straightener, curlers, shampoo and serum, even a hair straightener holder on the wall. My excuse was... I can take it on the mission. HAHA FAIL if I get sent somewhere where I have NO ELECTRICITY. I could have brought an iPhone 5s that day and let me tell you I wish I had considering I dropped my phone and it ended up breaking that night. So now I'm broke with no mooney and have no phone. I AM SO BRAINY. But at least I can go back to this lady and she will design my hair for free for a lifetime instead of 7times. Part of her selling deal I guess but she's never offered this before haha. So I felt like we struck gold. But now I gotta go back and start saving again and stop being materialistic and be pohara broke again. I am going to be a poor missionary for 18months in the next 4months. No harm in starting now. 

Friday Night Fright Night

THE WEEK BEFORE HALLOWEEN!!

Oh hello there! It has i must say been a while. Lately ive just been doing a whole lot of random things. But the start of this weekend was incredibly fun. After a gruelling 10hour shift at work (even though it was super easy) we were all very excited to head to Movieworld on the Gold Coast for Fright Night. This is where Movie World is open from 6pm til 10:30pm at night to entertain us with the Halloween side of things. And it only happens for two weekends of the year!!! Okay for me personally, I HATE RIDES AND SCARY THINGS!!! But I thought it would be a fun night so we went along and had some fun. I was going to conquer my fear people. I WAS GOING TO DO IT!!! So we finished work, me, my sister and our friend Sharon went back to her house to get ready. Went to get the face ready for the public eye and wallah I was looking fab I must say ;) haha I'm just kidding. I don't think I ever do! But yeah and then it was photo bombing people's phones time. All the photos were of me doing selfies! I'm just that great to look at! Haha got you there again. Pride is so bad ;) 

Waiting for our ride and this is what we get up to. We were getting mocked for this night at work because our ride who was coming with us to Movieworld has or had the fattest crush on my sister. Always messaging her and just really genuinely liked her. She was so not up for it. Turns out being rude the whole entire night but it was funny. Well I thought so anyway. When our ride turned up, this is what happened...

More photos!!!! That's what happened. Well we decided to have a photo shoot with his new truck but can't seem to find them anywhere. And it was incredibly funny because on the way down the coast, being crazy passengers and everything... The girls were like waving and doing signs to the cars we were passing. There was one vehicle and they waved back and were doing signs themselves. We would overtake them and they would overtake us. Yada yada yada. Sharon got a picture of her as she was shocked Sharon had her phone out taking a photo!!! It was gold and the funniest moment was seeing they had come to same place as we had. MOVIE WORLD. We were forever seeing them everywhere. They were even on a ride right behind us! 

On this rollercoaster ride below. And let me tell you the ride is over in a blink of an eye. It's over so fast. I bet it only lasts 1minute like legit and I can tell you now... I'm excited to go on rides now even though this ride almost made me CRY!!!! I was fully terrified but extremely AHHH about it all! I WANTED TO GO ON IT AGAIN IN FACT!! I cannot wait for Dreamworld NEXT WEEK! Lets just say I was like a pregnant woman with mixed emotions. Not that I've ever been in that position... Like anyway....

This phot is CLASSIC!!!! I hit a woman in the face doing this pose... GOLD!!!! Oh and the photo didn't catch it in time but they had bolts of fire come out on both sides of the movie world sign. And the place was totally sold out so lucky we booked our tickets online!!!!!! Just goes to show how many people were there. The best part of the night was DEFINATELY NOT the waiting in line at long queues at the rides but the whole theme around Halloween. Movieworld went all out. Staff were all scary. The had zombies walking around like legit freaky ones and scary people who were chasing you or sneak up behind you. Guys with chainsaws and knives and like just totally freaky that I had shivers up my spine. The grounds were all covered in smoke that you couldn't see where you were going a lot of the time. And then you might casually see demons and zombies walking throughout the mist. It was normal there. But also normal people got dressed up in costumes. 

Lets just say I had a great FIRST experience at MOVIE WORLD AND FRIGHT NIGHT. And now going to go to SCREAMWORLD AT DREAMWORLD next month. Now I think I will cry at Dreamworld haha wish me luck <3

All Laid Out <3

NATALIA RUTH MCFLINN, BROWN EYES, KIWI DECENT, 150ODD POUNDS, 161CM TALL <3

BORN IN PALMERSTON NORTH, NEW ZEALAND APRIL 29th 1993 BUT AM FROM GISBORNE, NEW ZEALAND <3

GOING ON AN 18MONTH VOLUNTEER MISSION FOR THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS aka THE MORMON CHURCH! BEEN IN THE CHURCH FOR 3YEARS OCTOBER 30TH <3

I DON'T KNOW WHY PEOPLE THINK IM PRETTY BECAUSE IN MY EYES IM LIKE UHHHH. I KNOW THAT EVEN THOUGH LOOKS AREN'T THAT GREAT, IT'S THE SPIRIT INSIDE THAT COMES ACROSS TO PEOPLE AS SEEING YOU AS THE BEAUTIFUL PERSON YOU ARE AND HAVE BEEN DESIGNED AND BROUGHT UP TO BE <3

And ONE DAY, as of planning today, I want to be a successful person in this world. Whether it be motherhood or career, I am going to succeed. I have been thinking a lot of how I want to plan my future. I know it won't work out the way I want it to or when I want it to as The Lord will have his hand in ALL things. But this is the general scope of things that I hope to work out. I am 20years old. I hope to be on my mission by the time I turn 21 but if not allgood. But it'll be mission and then come home to maybe university in Australia if there is someone here that wants to marry me otherwise best decision will be to move back to NZ and study my heart out. Maybe even go for a transfer year to the united states. I want to go into medicine or biomedical science but then I would love to go on to the business side of things. Like I really want to own my buisness but I want to get into the health side of things. Decisions, decisions? Whilst I am studying or once I have graduated, I hope to get married and at least have 1child. ONE CHILD PEOPLE!!!! When I get home off my mission, I will be 22 almost 23 so uhhh takers to marry me straight away please? I will be getting way too old and therefore baby right away. It's okay, I can have a baby and study at the same time ;) I will have it down. So chill okay, I got this all sorted. Then I want to live my life, go on vacations, have more babies, have a career, be rich enough so I can serve a full time mission with my husband, own a few homes but also build my very own home. I want to also live in Utah, New Jersey or somewhere not big city like in America. Wouldn't mind going to England for a bit. My mum will end up coming with us when we move anywhere so the homes have to be big enough to cater for everyone. See like I said, I can have babies AND a career because I can have my mum to help me look after my babies. CANNOT WAIT TO HOLD MY BABIES IN MY ARMS <3 and then live and die peacefully knowing I accomplished everything!!!!! Oh and I want to be able to at least once every 2years, once I am married, go on a family vacation to somewhere new each time. With a different sort of adventure and that'll be amazing to look forward to... African Safaris, European tours, the pyramids of Egypt, eating pasta and pizza in good ol' Italy baby, relaxing in the Bora Bora hotels on water. And with best friends that will be so much fun! See with us besties living in different countries (or even in the same country ;)) it'll be a good way to reunite one with another with our families - and our kids can hang out too!!!! Olea Lloyd, you down?! Cause I know I will be! Where is my amazing husband to be? He has to be amazing for him to deal with my craziness, spontaneity and plans ;) I know that even though plans may not go the way I plan, I know that the road laid out for me already without me knowing, is the best plan for me as Natalia Ruth McFlinn. Heavenly Father will guide me and lead me to where I need to be and who I need to be. Lets see how far I can go. 

WITH THE LORDS HAND IN ALL THINGS, YOU CAN ACHIEVE ALL THINGS. HE IS THE WAY. HE IS THE KEY <3

Wants, Wishes, Bucket List

And this the beginning of a bucket list that I thought I could have fun with and putting all my ideas into one area. I don't know what I really want to do so we shall see where his spontaneous post leads to.

1. Serve my Heavenly Father and go on a mission

2. Never leave the Church (tick it off in the next life ;))

3. Become a Mission Presidents wife one day (fat chance)

4. Go to General Conference in the states by 2018 (5yrs)

5. Go to an open house for a temple

6. Be sealed in the temple to my husband

7. Visit all the temples in the world!

8. Baptise my mum and dad

I don't know why but all my bucket list things seem to be on a spiritual note. Must be due to conference this weekend and listening to the prophets speak haha. Change the style of things now...

9. Live in America for a while

10. Go to university and study biomed science or some sort of degree

11. Watch the whole series of gossip girl ever made, within 1week!!!

12. Go to Italy with my dad and family

13. Trip overseas (supposed to be italy) with my best friend Olea

14. Stay in a resort in the lagoon waters

15. Skydiving

16. Bungy jumping

17. Eat an insect

18. Have children 3or more

19. Do a hamburger race and you eat as many burgers you can in a minute

20. Going on an African safari

21. Hot air balloon ride

22. Be able to speak another language

23. Randomly pay for somebody's meal without then knowing

24. Go on the biggest rollercoaster in the world (by the way I'm terrified on the smallest ride ever made)

25. Go down the tallest waterside in the world which happens to be in brazil!!!!

26. Go on a jungle trek

27. Volunteer somewhere for a day

28. Complete a marathon.

29. Run 15kms straight (can't even run 1km hah)

30. Build my own home

31. Write a story of my life

32. Slumber party in a penthouse suite!

33. Go on a shopping spree with $1000 spending on clothes

34. Learn how to salsa, tango or belly dance

35. Learn to ride a horse

36. Buy my own motorcycle and learn to ride and get my licence

37. Learn how to play piano

38. pyramids of Egypt

39. The Niagara falls

40. Live in a foreign place for 6months to 1year

41. Visit the European historical sites

42. Read 50books in 1year

43. Keep a journal

44. Keep up my scrap booking with Olea!!!!

45. Love my life at all times.

46. FINDING THAT POT OF GOLD AT THE BOTTOM OF A RAINBOW

47. I want to cliff jump into deep waters

48. Eventually let someone give me a pedicure as I hate people touching my feet. They will probably get knocked out touching them haha

49. And also the same with a massage at a beauty salon

50. Oooooh do a beauty weekend with girls where we do saunas, mud baths, massages, tanning etc.

51. Shave my hair off argh

52. Fast for 1week!!! I can't even fast for 1day

Tshirt Lovin'

What more do I need to say!!! Its quite self explainatory to me :D

Try it. You might actually (i guarantee) have the time of your life. For reals. People think, "uh Natalia, you know how to have fun? But youre a mormon. You cant do anything." And that is where you are wrong!!! I promise you the time of your life!!!  Think im talking smack? Then prove me wrong ;)

A Sunday Miracle

This entire weekend I spent my time down the Gold Coast serving the community. A little minor interruptions like going shopping and getting distracted but my main focus was to help those in need with my fellow Brisbane YSA! We had a mini service convention. Saturday morning we were helping out with the RDA and fixing up their arena. What they do is teach the disabled children how to ride horses. So we made it a WOW place to go to by revamping the entire place. This included digging, painting, scrubbing, fixing. You name it we done it. But last night hit me the most.

Sunday, we went to the beach to kind of chill for an hour or so before we had church at 3:30pm and well that was fun. Just being together and talking was actually really fun. But I didn't realise how much of an effect Sunday night would really have on me. I thought it was going to be uh testimonys and it'll be like a normal Sunday. Hardly tuning in to listen. Wasn't I proven wrong. The testimonys shared just blew me right out of the waters. I asked people after how did they think of the meeting and they were like it was so incredibly boring and couldnt feel the spirit and i was like are you serious?! It truly was there with us. I certainly felt it as i gave each one my undivided attention. It's like each speaker had something I needed to be listening to. I was so in tune with the spirit and it was so incredibly strong I felt like crying through a lot of the testimonys. And even if a person just got up to say a normal testimony, I could see the sweet innocent spirit of this person and I knew they were speaking of truth. The first two speakers I shed tears. Once it was open to the congregation to speak, the first speaker, her name was Debbie and she has Down syndrome. She has such a pure spirit and could get up in front of everyone and despite her speech impairment was able to speak the things on her mind. She showed me her love for our Heavenly Father and I certainly felt it. Her friend, also had Down syndrome and you couldn't understand anything but the fact he got up and the smile on his face when he left the stand... It was like a smile that he just WON. His smile did not once leave his face, not once whilst listening to the other speakers. Their was just a glow about each speaker. One girl got up and was so upfront and it made me tear. She's like go and serve that mission, if you don't, you WILL NOT recieve those blessings that were intended for you. Someone else will take them from you. Go and get them. And there was this boy who shared wi is that his trials are so hard to bear and they were heavy. He said that he will conquer them, he will go on his mission and the one thing he wants to see is, he wants to see each and every one of us in celestial kingdom. He was so firm that I had to look away. The love this boy had for his fellow men that he didn't even know just blew me away and I realised those that do me wrong, they just don't know what they are worth as of yet and I should have the same mindset. They are as much a child of god as I am, whether they are baptised or not, we are all the same. I chose to come to earth and so did they. They deserve the same right as I do to gaining a spot in celestial glory. But the number one boy that made me like cry is a recent convert of 6months who got up and bore his testimony. He said he will serve his mission and he's working hard and trying to go temple each week. He said when he goes on his mission he hopes to by the end have converted one person. I was like okay then. Then he continued on to say he hopes to have converted himself. That shook me. That's exactly the same as me. It's just each person had something for me to hear and I'm glad i listened to the promptings and went as I was just going to go to my home ward. Everything sure happens for a reason. My trials and starting to get hard. I have realised that now since submitting my mission papers. Sometimes I want to cry as they are at times so hard to bear. The feelings hurt. The things are wrong. I just want it to be over and I know that when I'm on my mission it will be. Well hopefully forever but for 18months they will be gone. I sure hope but i know that without a shadow of a doubt that my Father in heaven will help me when the time is right. He knows exactly what im going through and as i rely on Him, i know i will be fine. I know that now I know where I want be, and I know a little bit more of who I am and who i see myself becoming and know more of the qualities I would like to find in my eternal companion that is waiting for me.

One nights dream

Dreams are crazy. I know i have had my fair few and some are i think significant but i cannot remember them the next day (not like i remember them all the time anyway) but at the time I do. Or some dreams are just that... dreams. Maybe they are signs; maybe they are guidance for choosing the right path; maybe they are of your nightmares or your greatest fears coming to haunt you.

Last night I had a dream and I do not understand why I had this dream and i do not know why i remember it but I do. My dream last night meant something special to me. I was so happy, so excited and full of life. I dont know why but all I remember was the excitment of recieving my garments. When you take out your endowments you are given garments to wear. The feelings I got for wearing them, i couldnt wait to put them on. I rushed to put them on and I thought and laughed to myself thinking, i dont understand why people find them uncomfortable at all. Recieving these meant to me that i will be taking out my next step in the temple hopefully soon. The day I go to the temple to take out my endowments will be one of the most amazing days of my life I believe.

Sifting through my desires

So the other day i was having a really weird conversation with someone. He brought up attraction. He was like "you are attracted to him... i think you like him". haha im like "nooooo you have it all wrong! that boy is a really good boy". And hes like "I'm not believing those words because i can see it all in your actions".That really made me laugh and made me think how do i act around these boys? then like 2mins later he goes on to say "but i do however know that there is 1person you have an attraction to and it goes both ways" and then from that moment i knew who he was talking about. I said his name and hes like of course it is. I couldnt deny that one because there was no point in denying it when my aim is to try and become more honest and kind (a task from my stake president). But anyway i just said well im trying to get over it anyway because its not right. And I realise I am getting over it. He said its not a physical attraction as of such its a more so personality attraction. And he is of course dead right. He said its just a phase we are going through and the feelings wont last forever.. all i said i was i sure hope so. I realised that I deserve to see myself in a better light and that I should be treated better and that I deserve better. Not as in better than him but as in I deserve someone better with the same standards that I have. I deserve someone who has the same standards as me and not higher standards or lowers standards. Having feelings for a person that you cannot have is seriously not the way to go. I get over it quite quickly but it all comes crashing back down if he says something pertaining to US or if he brings up WHAT IFS. I'm like noooo I was doing so good and then I get so afraid of the way I start to feel because I know that it is not right and that I shouldn't be feeling this way about him. He is a weakness that I am overcoming. It is so easy when he is not around. Life is pretty sweet. At times I think of him and miss him but then a lot of the time I can get on with my life without him in it. Sure I wonder what he's doing and how he is but I know that life is so much easier and better without us as anything more. I can't wait to be the person that I dream to become with Christ like attributes and even though he is a good guy, I don't think that he can help me become the person that I am truly designed to be and act. Even though i know all that its hard to distinguish between wht your mind is saying and what your heart is truly saying. and then also taking in the consideration of what the holy spirit is testifying to you. i think with me my mind is like i want you and i think we could really make this work but my heart says just let him go. And then the other side of things is that my mind is saying no i have no more feelings, we are fine, we are JUST friends, we are nothing more... but then my heart is saying you only wishes it was you. Thats the hardest thing not knowing which way to go. but that is when we need to let everything out to the Lord, and put all our desires into Him and He will guide you the right way even though you think its wrong and not the right path, Heavenly Father knows that its the right path for you. He knoweth all things remember. And He knows you better than you know yourself. He designed you. He created you. He is our Father. Now I am becoming stronger. It is becoming easier and easier. The day that I look at him and see him as only a friend and nothing more is the day that I cannot wait for. And the day that the unwanted feelings do not come back but heres hoping that its soon. He doesn't believe that we will ever lose our feelings ever. And maybe we will, but maybe we won't. I believe he will always have a small piece of me but that's it. I know that my husband will marry me in the temple. I know that I will love someone so unconditional one day that I will be glad that nothing happened between us. Every time I think of us, I think of this quote...

"Dear sisters, never lose sight of this sacred goal (of a temple marriage). Prayerfully prepare for it and live for it. Be married the Lords way. Temple marriage is a gospel ordinance of exaltation. Our Father in Heaven wants each of His daughters to have this eternal blessing.

Therefore, don't trifle away your happiness by involvement with someone who cannot take you worthily to the temple. Make a decision now that this is the place where you will marry. To leave that decision until a romantic involvement develops is to take a risk the importance of which you cannot now fully calculate"

-President Ezra Taft Benson

I absolutely adore that quote by President Benson and I hope to live by that. I love the temple so much. Of course it is the place I want to be married. Sometimes I just need that quick little reminder of what President Ezra Taft Benson has to say.

Losing a loved one

So as I am sitting here thinking through what I really would like to write tonight, I can't think of anything else but about what I am going to write about. I have this strong impression to write about a special little girl who meant the world to her family and I bet changed many other families lives for sure.

It is the most hardest thing losing the ones you love the most. It is the most trying period of your life. To say goodbye to them, to not be able to speak to them. But as long as we know that this life is only a temporary period so not being able to speak to them, laugh with them, play with them, confide in them... It's only for now but it's not going to be for forever. 

I may never have had the privilege to meet this beautiful girl but I know for one thing is that her amazing spirit is back home resting in celestial glory with our Father in Heaven in gloriousness and in peace perfection. The most precious spirits of all are the ones that return home back to Heavenly Father at the early stages of life. Even though it has left her family indefinitely heart broken as that was their baby girl, Heavenly Father has a plan for both her and them.

As long as we know that families can be together forever, we know that we will see our families again and very soon indeed. The eternities look great when you know the ones you love are waiting there to greet you when it's time. The atonement of Jesus Christ has made it possible for us to return back to Him when our time comes. To return to the ones we love. So for the beautiful Leu family, Inah and Brian, I am so sorry for your loss at this time. You are both such strong individuals and I hope you will be okay soon. 

Conversion to the Gospel

Serena-Lee Chrystal, Elder Sesseions, Elder Belnap,
Elder Beckstead, Elder Tham, Katya,
and ME!

So for those that do not know a heck of a lot about me, I thought I would introduce you to a side that you my or may not know. I go to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. If you have not heard of this church, maybe you might recognise the "Mormon Church?" I was baptised Saturday October 30th 2010 in a small town along the East Coast in Gisborne New Zealand and let me tell YOU, it was the best, non-regretting decision I have ever made. And I could never in my entire life take back those words I have just said. Now some of you may think its because I am brain washed but no I am not. This is a little of why. When I moved from New Zealand to Australia June 15th 2011, it was the most scariest decision i had made at the age of 18. Coming to live with my mum as we did not have a good relationship due to my own actions. She would try put the effort in but I would just snob her off. I was a very angry and hurt child. Anyway, I started going to church with my Aunty and uncle and my cousins. I didn't know they even went to church earlier on in life but they did and they were even sealed together as husband and wife in the temple but they had just fallen way from the church due to worldly causes. We are human remember - we are not perfect. 

I am so very thankful that my Aunty and Uncle had made the decision to finally go back to church. If it wasn't for their willingness and desire and also their example to change; I wouldn't be where I am today, living the life I lead today nor be the person that I am today. When I saw my Uncle in a suit I almost cried. He just seemed like a total different person. He was making changes and I knew from then on if my Uncle can change... anything is possible. Now I only went with them to have a look at church because I was with that family 24/7. What was I going to do if they were at church and I've got nothing to do? Maybe you could even say we were selfish for that being the reason why. We were going to be bored without them so my sister and I went and had a look. And we were so nervous!!!!!!!! I loved religion and I believed there was a God and Jesus Christ but apart from that I knew nothing. And so I was intrigued when I started learning from the missionaries. Yes those are the young boys that ride on bicycles in a white shirt, suit pants and a tie with a black badge on their shirt. I had two lessons with the missionaries, Elder Tham and Elder Christensen. I enjoyed it but I was going to Vanuatu for 12days and thought well have a good life I doubt I will be seeing you when I get home. It was fun whilst it lasted. I did not think I would be able to keep going with it or my family would. That's how much faith I had.. that's embarrassing to be honest. Anyway, when I was in Vanuatu, my sister facebooked me to say she was getting baptised Oct 9th 2010. I was like "oh I'm happy for you" but I was thinking are you crazy you've only been listening to them for 2weeks and you're getting baptised?! I guess when you know it's the right thing to do for you then you do it! The spirit definately testified of the truthfulness of the gospel to her most definately. The funny thing was was that when I got home from Vanuatu 3days later my sister was baptised with my 2 cousins and it was one of the best days of their lives for them. They were extremely happy. Their happiness radiated off of their faces with such a glowing beam.

That wasn't the funny bit though... The funny bit was when Elder Tham came to me and said "I'm sorry Natalia, unfortunately you cannot be baptised today because you haven't been taught all the lessons as of yet." I started cracking up laughing and thinking to myself are you crazy, now I'm most likely definately not joining the church. I didnt even want to be baptised. The weeks went on and I ended up being baptised into the church on Oct 30th. That was 3weeks from when my sister was baptised til when I was baptised. Obviously a lot of things happened to have changed my mind. But their was one moment in that 3weeks where I felt pressured to be baptised and I thought I felt I wasn't ready. I ended up saying to Elder Tham I do not want to be baptised and with me I cant say no. I was like "I dont want to be baptised now, maybe later." And they kept pushing for this same date and then for the next weekend. My cousins wife had then said "Stop... she doesnt want to be baptised now, stop pressuring her!"  With me you see, if I join something or even in this case, if I join a church I don't want to be joining another one because I want to make sure I do everything right the first time. I wanted to find the right church for me the first time. Heavenly Fathers church. The one TRUE church. I still had this impression that I still wanted to know more about this Church and its teachings. So I asked the other missionaries from the other Ward or in other words chapel, if I could sit in on a lesson with them as that same girl, my cousins wife, was still getting lessons but with the other two missionaries. I spoke to them about what was going through my mind and Elder Belnap said to me, "if you know that the teachings that we teach are true and that you believe in them, then go to church for those reasons, for the gospel. Don't not go because of how someone made you feel." And that was it. I knew my missionaries weren't happy because I went to see the other ones but if it wasn't for me going to see them then I wouldn't have been baptised. I realised that I started to love this gospel for what the gospel truly was. And I was baptised 11am Oct 30th by Elder Tham and confirmed into the church by Elder Belnap.
 

The gospel of Jesus Christ taught me a lot of things from then on. I went to Church and it was so hard but I endured through those trials. It was so hard when your dad didn't really accept the fact you joined the "Mormon" church as you should be keeping your options open and people thinking we were brainwashed when that wasn't the case. When I went to church I felt like I was at home. I felt at peace. I felt the world slip away for those 3hours each week. This was my time to learn more about myself and what my Heavenly Father has in store for me. This was my time to feel a part of a family. Everywhere you looked and turned there was a family. I now started to realise what a family truly was and what true happiness truly felt like. I will never turn my back from the gospel again. I done it once but never again.
 

That's how I know that I am not brainwashed or anything. I turned my back on the gospel for 4months of my life when I moved to Australia. I thought it'll be easy to stay in the gospel when I moved but I was wrong. Now I didn't exactly disobey the church teachings like go out and get wasted or smoke or what not because first of all that wasn't even me before I was baptised anyway. But the temptations and trials felt very hard to overcome as I had basically blocked Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ out of my life. I was back to an angry self again and even the people who didn't even agree with church were telling me I should go back because I'm not my normal self. I was thinking you can't tell me to go to church as you yourself don't even go. I was a miserable wreck and I started to realise it and the way I was acting was unacceptable. I started to realise and booked me a ticket back to NZ for my dads birthday. I was so nervous going to church, I felt like I didn't think I should be there because I hadn't been going for so long and I felt so guilty. It was testimony bearing and I cried when I heard my cousin get up and say her testimony. I realised I wanted to start going back to church when I got back to Australia. Nobody judged me and my bishop knew there was something wrong. We talked and that's when my love grew for my bishop and I truly felt and knew that they really are just full of gods love and are definately non judgemental. When I got back to Australia it was super hard but I pushed through all my embarrassment of going to church by myself and sitting by myself and listened to what was being spoken. To go to church by yourself was so hard as you felt all by yourself, all alone and with no one by your side. But I felt it was where I needed and wanted to be. I felt that I had my Heavenly Father with me anywhere I go anyway so I wasn't really alone. And what do you know you make friends, you become a part of families, you feel at home. Same things which happened in NZ. So the bottom line is that that confirmed the teachings that anywhere you go in the world, the teachings of the gospel and the feelings that you gain from the gospel is the same no matter where in the world you go. That was also confirmed when I recently went to America and I felt the exact same thing.

 

I am just so very thankful for the gospel in my life. It taught me how to forgive, as I forgave my mum after years of not letting her in. It taught me true and eternal happiness. I understand what real happiness feels like and it's not temporary. I know what it feels like to be apart of a family again and I met my actual best friend that I could count on for anything. Then I met her cousin and she became one of my best friends. I never really had true friends to count on until I met these girls. I learnt to take risks and chances and I learnt what I am really worth and who I really am designed to be. I am a spiritual daughter of my Heavenly Father and I am here today to become like Him. To gain those same attributes. I am a daughter of a King. I am a Princess which will soon be a queen. My husband will be a  King as he seals me to him in our castle, the only holy place on this earth which is the temple. We will be sealed for all of eternity with our children right by our sides in the eternities. Familes really are forever. We need to remember that and cherish the moments we have. I cannot turn back time and re write my mistakes but i wouldnt want to. I learnt from my mistakes and wont make it again. Life is no life at all without family, friends and the gospel.